Memories

The War ended very long time ago,
and memory naturally degenerates as the year goes by.
Memorries and thoughts change and age, just as people do.
But certain thoughts can never age,
and certain memories can never fade...

Secretos por mi

1. I have about 20000000won in my own check account I have been earnd and saved so far.
2. I have some weird alergiclike things in my arm, back and butt
3. I had a nose surgeryd for rhinitis.
4. I have a serious digesting problem.
5. I have a polycystic ovarian syndrome
6. I didn't eat dinner since I was 15. People eat to live. I should not eat to live.
7. I was a nerd till high school year. Now some calls me bitch and I like it.
8. I still study a lot when everyone's asleep

9. I've always had the best grades all my life.
10.I have more boyfriends than girl friends
11. I'm not a virgin.

12. I'm a bit a control freak.

13. I started to learn alphabets when I was 15.
14. I never cry in front of others but I cry alone
15. I like crying though. I get surprised when I get to have tears falling down. 'cus

I rarely get emotional
16. I had a panic disorder. I still sometimes do.
17. I don't drink just for my belly but I love gin tonic,sake,Moet champagne, and Margarita
18. I've acted as a blind, mentally disabled, orphan, ballerina, a princess, and the queen
19. I speak 2 languages fluently and I understand 4 more languages.
20. I cannot swim
21. I have friends from more than 10 countries.
22. I can dance hiphop, ballet, traditional korean dance, tap, jazz, modern dance, and salsa
23. I do believe in God but I don't have a religion.
24. I feel free from doing dangerous things.
25. I think I can never get married.I don't know..
26. I do most of things alone. I enjoy it. but I feel lonely everytime.
27. I think guys are hot when they cook, play musics and play basketball
28. I love both man and woman. They are beautiful.
29. I'm crazy for latinos, nuts, beans, coffee, high places,Natalie Portman, Paulo Cohelo, Murakami Haruki, Radiohead, Velvet underground, cats, butterflies, Movies, Dancing, chicken, eggs, black, hot pink, green, red, vampire, jazz, computer, cool girls, independence, trips to abraod, room and myself.
30. I don't like school. and kids
31. I feel more comfortable with strangers.
32. But I hate when ppl get too talkative. 
33. I barely have fight with others.
34. I believe in horoscope, vempire, and mummies
35. I always want to leave early.
36. I wanted to work for UN. not any more. I dont have to be united anyways.
37. I wanted to be a bartender. I did for a part time job. But I quited in 4days.
38. I get a massage which costs 1000000won for 4times a wk.
39. my petronous is a cat. 
40. I used smoke on the roof of my aprtment at night inspecting guy in 3rd window from the top of the other aprtment.

Out of electricity

She suddenly asked me to hold her
"Why?"
"To charge my batteries," she said"My body has run out of electricity. I haven't been able to sleep for days now. The minute i get to sleep I wake up, and then I can't get back to sleep. I can't think. When I get like that, somebody has to charge my batteries. Otherwise, I can't go on living. The problem is now. I'm out of electricity now..."

Runaway

Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life? Being Dangerous,I feel free from those attitude sometimes. CourageMotivationHope and Love. To find those,i'm maybe trying to run away.

Autumn in NY

Will:This isn't right.. you... you are...
Chalotte: young.
Will: Yes, and I am..
Chalotte: old.
Will: older
Chalotte: much older
Will: Alright. Much older. The point is... I can't put this off. But I genuinely like you.
I want to be clear from the start. So, there's no confusion later on. okay?
What I want to say to you is that..
All I am able to offer you.. is this.
what we have right now. Nothing more..until it ends. what I mean is...
we have no future.
Chalotte: I know. I'm sick.
Will: What do you mean?
Chalotte: It's my heart. Nobody even thought I'd last this long.
I could've put off telling you but..
I genuinely like you.
I wanted to be clear right from the start. SO there's no confusion later

The Truth2

I was just home watching the movie “the Day after Tomorrow”. I’ve seen this movie several times and I haven’t felt this way as I was today. The title got into my mind first of all. “Tomorrow”… Tomorrow could mean just tomorrow. But it also could mean a future. Perhaps it was because I fear it so much.

I always fear tomorrow. It scares me. Perhaps this is the reason why I obsessed so much about the past. And I sometimes obsessed to the horoscope too out of security. But there is no prevention for the future. Just being in the present is the best way for the future. And not trying the best for the present explains why I fear future so much.

I had another thought. What if the dooms day comes? Would I really runaway to him as I was writing to my truth or dare questions? I was wrong. I would stay with my mother. I cannot leave without her. And a love for him, I’ve never expected, is getting colder. I don’t like to love alone. I can’t love alone. He cannot be with me when I am really suffering. I really cannot sure. What do I really want from him? This is one of those reasons I fear future too.

I ; the weirdo, send back a love that comes and cannot be loved from the love I give. And this ongoing game is playing again and again.

The Truth1

One very nice thing you miss in the early morning is this calm and bitter sweet coffee moment. It feels great to have this relaxing time when everyone else is so busy to dress up and rush to their workplace. You are perhaps falling asleep at this time of the day. It felt great to talk with you again. I have missed it very much. You don’t know how much I suffered after I left you. It’d been about a month since then.. But I cannot stop thinking about you.

To be honest, I tried to find other men. I tried to run away from you. I was a fool. You have affected me too much. Things I see, I listen and I feel… Everything reminds me of you. I now listen to rock music especially Radiohead a lot. I’m still reading the book you gave me. And that is good thing I swear.. very nice change in me.

I left you because I wasn’t brave enough to be abandoned by you someday. That is one thing I always fear in relationships. People I was close to always left me first. Even they hurt me. So I always end up leaving them fisrt. But thoughts of you had me to have guts and curiosity.
We still both know very little about each other. We barely talked. I first approached to you just out of curiosity and I assume that you did too. Then, at the right time when I was suffering from mental disease called panic disorder, you saved me. I always shout out loud that I am strong. I act like I am promiscuous. But I was a coward who was always hiding feelings inside and scared to step outside. Then you freed me. One kiss that night became big wings for my heart.

I’m now working harder and studying harder. And it is just to meet you someday. Because I have realized that I should level up myself to have a great man like you. I want to be with you. I do not expect much though. There is certain fate for everyone. Even if this won’t happen, at least having a feeling of love for someone is good for me.

Miss you and love you almost for the first time real in my life.
J to A