Capability

People in different categories are rising as a star thesedays. Athletes are also mainstreaming after the Olympic and uprising new centuries Great Depression in economies. Watching matches on TV, I am thinking, "When would the record stop breaking?"

What is it mean to break the record of 2.1sec, then 2.0sec, then 1.9sec..? Would human be able to finally break the record of 0.0 sec.?

Till which point would they be able to reach up to? How far should they go to stop breaking the record? Will they change the time then? or record? ...

Peterpan's Choice.

I was having a headache. I didn't go. To be honest, I feel bad wasting my morning time for other things than being alone with the cafe. It's the best moment for my days. So why wasting it for others? So, I came down to the Starbucks near my house. Usually, this place is very quiet with full of nice Jazz music and with full of Seoul National Univ. students whose studying quietly alone. But today, it was demn full of language exchanging couples and group study teams. That irritated me. So, there is always my temporary expedient : ipod. Then I had a thought this morning. Why people can't be ALONE? I, to be honest,be treated as a indepent woman. Or some calls it excluded. And my mother calls it make-yourself-in-solitude. It could be tight. I admit that I really am somtimes lonely and perhaps I'm being jealous of those people who are TOGATHER. But the problem is that suppossing that I am in that studygroup, I would still want to get out and go somewhere else that I can be alone.

'Independence' and 'Solitude'. Two similar words never match each other. If someone is independent, he or she is lonely. No, it never makes sense. If someone is lonely, he or she is independent. No way. Then, what about this formula? I am lonely and independent. It does make some sense I guess. Therefore, correlation of indepence and solitude is never direct but only indirect through the concept of 'I'. How about putting 'Share' in this formula? I am sorry but seats are unavailable. So here comes the major issue. The problem was this formula.
There are so many numbers of formula in the universe. But its shape is like an infinite set formula cannot always match each other. Some, like me, cannot find their intersection. They prefer to do things alone. Then where would they belong to?

Last night on the radio, DJ was talking about this two guy who mentioned about not belonging to anywhere so feeling unstable. Then DJ said that two guys headed to the karaoke where they called a surreal world. When people cannot find their place, they tend to escape from the reality. But the problem is that the reality is still waiting for them outside the door of unreality. So, they just have to step into the reality again. Orelse, they become a Peterpan who gave up his growth. Still in the universe, there are thousands of formulas floating around. Among them, there is a big hallway called 'Share'. It belongs to the universe called 'Reality'. And in that universe, there are rooms called 'Unreality'. Rooms are all lined up in the universe just like a convenience stores on the streets of Seoul. And they are named as 'Solitude', 'Myth', 'Fiction' and other metaphysical things.

I am holding a doorhandle of one the room; Unreality. And I am considering if I want to be a forever Peterpan or to grow up some more like others... Wheather the growth might look awful or beautiful.

Andy's sex.

The best way to love is to not to think of love. Some are able to just have sex. Some are able to have sex after they empty their minds. And some fill their mind up with sex not clearing their mind at all. And they think over and over while they have sex. "Is this real me? Am I really doing a sex? This is so weird. I wasn't doing this just 5 minutes ago. And I will not doing this soon, perhaps. What would my mom think? What would other people think while they are doing this?" And this is the first case of people. And the second case of people is this; who relaxes the other and make the other to forget everything.

For Andy, it was a humor.

Andy Warhol and I

This freakin picture makes SO sense with my fist down to his chin, with my thumb upside down to his nose, with my forefinger on his nosehole. And also it makes SO sense wherever I move just like a picture of MonaLisa. I see his tangerine-skin. I see his plastic nerds glasses. And I see his Insanity.

If he were here right in front of me, just like my feeling right now as I am looking at his picture, I would just stare at him without a word. Then I would ask him a question. What did he look through me. I wouldn't ask one question about him. I wonder how crazy man can describe me. And I believe that he was the most honest man though he had a freaky viewpoints about looking at things. He has this freaky looks that seems to be almost able to make things happen. If he wasn't an artist, I think I might be very successful to be a psychic.

Two very famous American President Lincoln and Kennedy was assasinated on the same FRIDAY with their wives. John Wilkes Booth, an assasin of Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, an assasin of Kennedy, was born in 1939. A secretary of Lincoln, Kennedy adviced him not to go to the theater. A secretary of Kennedy, Lincoln adviced him not to go to Dallas. Booth shot Lincoln in the theater then escaped to the warehouse. Oswald shot Kennedy inside the warehouse then escaped to the theater. Two presidents had there replacement whose name was Johnson. Lincoln's Johnson was born in 1808. Kennedy's Johnson was born in 1908.

Andy Warhol was exactly born in August 5th of 1928 then died in Feburary 22nd of 1987. The same birthday; August 5th of the next year, I was born. I will die in Feburary 22nd of 2047.

Airport

He said that the airport is a sexually inspiring place. After that, I started to see airport in a different way. Not 'Sexually inspiring' though. But I found it exciting about inspecting people in the place called 'Airport'.

When the departure gate opens, I see the most attractive sight. I used to check on the mirror before I get out of the gate whenever there was someone waiting for me. Because, when that automatic gate opens, the face people see turns out to be the most pleasurable face since people were waiting for them so anxiously. So many delays pleases me therefore. People whose waiting for the departure has this expectations and worries on their face though they already know their friend will be there soon. Then when the other finally arrives, their faces are like a child whose running for his or her mammy. I also get to see some people who is greeting their bosses. They almost crawl to their highness and get their cart most of time. And the one who seems to be 'the boss' just walks with his arrogant attitude. Attitude! this is one very important thing you should have in the airport. Without this, you cannot really enjoy the airport. Everyone who is a heck of 'somewhere' is in this place. No, even though you are not a heck of something, you wouldn't want to act rustic here. Indeed, talking about attitude, I cannot exclude the beauty of flight attendents and police officers with their cool uniforms. Seeing them walking down the hallway, reminds me of the catwalk of models on their runway. Attitude, Gucci, Prada, Hills and pride. Airport is full of these metaphysical things.

I, of course, wish to walk there proudly being a heck of something. I might like the airport because of this enviness. But I want to make it clear here that I feel satisfactory ahead of inferiority just by seating there. But what I truely wish is that I could catwalk the hallway with my ragged rockstar jeans, white tight t shirts showing my nipples proudly and with my ipod in my ears. That is my ideal catwalk in the airport.

Fate

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions.
You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in toit. Step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverished bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, mataphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You will have that blood in yout hands. And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about.

Memories

The War ended very long time ago,
and memory naturally degenerates as the year goes by.
Memorries and thoughts change and age, just as people do.
But certain thoughts can never age,
and certain memories can never fade...

Secretos por mi

1. I have about 20000000won in my own check account I have been earnd and saved so far.
2. I have some weird alergiclike things in my arm, back and butt
3. I had a nose surgeryd for rhinitis.
4. I have a serious digesting problem.
5. I have a polycystic ovarian syndrome
6. I didn't eat dinner since I was 15. People eat to live. I should not eat to live.
7. I was a nerd till high school year. Now some calls me bitch and I like it.
8. I still study a lot when everyone's asleep

9. I've always had the best grades all my life.
10.I have more boyfriends than girl friends
11. I'm not a virgin.

12. I'm a bit a control freak.

13. I started to learn alphabets when I was 15.
14. I never cry in front of others but I cry alone
15. I like crying though. I get surprised when I get to have tears falling down. 'cus

I rarely get emotional
16. I had a panic disorder. I still sometimes do.
17. I don't drink just for my belly but I love gin tonic,sake,Moet champagne, and Margarita
18. I've acted as a blind, mentally disabled, orphan, ballerina, a princess, and the queen
19. I speak 2 languages fluently and I understand 4 more languages.
20. I cannot swim
21. I have friends from more than 10 countries.
22. I can dance hiphop, ballet, traditional korean dance, tap, jazz, modern dance, and salsa
23. I do believe in God but I don't have a religion.
24. I feel free from doing dangerous things.
25. I think I can never get married.I don't know..
26. I do most of things alone. I enjoy it. but I feel lonely everytime.
27. I think guys are hot when they cook, play musics and play basketball
28. I love both man and woman. They are beautiful.
29. I'm crazy for latinos, nuts, beans, coffee, high places,Natalie Portman, Paulo Cohelo, Murakami Haruki, Radiohead, Velvet underground, cats, butterflies, Movies, Dancing, chicken, eggs, black, hot pink, green, red, vampire, jazz, computer, cool girls, independence, trips to abraod, room and myself.
30. I don't like school. and kids
31. I feel more comfortable with strangers.
32. But I hate when ppl get too talkative. 
33. I barely have fight with others.
34. I believe in horoscope, vempire, and mummies
35. I always want to leave early.
36. I wanted to work for UN. not any more. I dont have to be united anyways.
37. I wanted to be a bartender. I did for a part time job. But I quited in 4days.
38. I get a massage which costs 1000000won for 4times a wk.
39. my petronous is a cat. 
40. I used smoke on the roof of my aprtment at night inspecting guy in 3rd window from the top of the other aprtment.

Out of electricity

She suddenly asked me to hold her
"Why?"
"To charge my batteries," she said"My body has run out of electricity. I haven't been able to sleep for days now. The minute i get to sleep I wake up, and then I can't get back to sleep. I can't think. When I get like that, somebody has to charge my batteries. Otherwise, I can't go on living. The problem is now. I'm out of electricity now..."

Runaway

Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life? Being Dangerous,I feel free from those attitude sometimes. CourageMotivationHope and Love. To find those,i'm maybe trying to run away.

Autumn in NY

Will:This isn't right.. you... you are...
Chalotte: young.
Will: Yes, and I am..
Chalotte: old.
Will: older
Chalotte: much older
Will: Alright. Much older. The point is... I can't put this off. But I genuinely like you.
I want to be clear from the start. So, there's no confusion later on. okay?
What I want to say to you is that..
All I am able to offer you.. is this.
what we have right now. Nothing more..until it ends. what I mean is...
we have no future.
Chalotte: I know. I'm sick.
Will: What do you mean?
Chalotte: It's my heart. Nobody even thought I'd last this long.
I could've put off telling you but..
I genuinely like you.
I wanted to be clear right from the start. SO there's no confusion later