Peterpan's Choice.

I was having a headache. I didn't go. To be honest, I feel bad wasting my morning time for other things than being alone with the cafe. It's the best moment for my days. So why wasting it for others? So, I came down to the Starbucks near my house. Usually, this place is very quiet with full of nice Jazz music and with full of Seoul National Univ. students whose studying quietly alone. But today, it was demn full of language exchanging couples and group study teams. That irritated me. So, there is always my temporary expedient : ipod. Then I had a thought this morning. Why people can't be ALONE? I, to be honest,be treated as a indepent woman. Or some calls it excluded. And my mother calls it make-yourself-in-solitude. It could be tight. I admit that I really am somtimes lonely and perhaps I'm being jealous of those people who are TOGATHER. But the problem is that suppossing that I am in that studygroup, I would still want to get out and go somewhere else that I can be alone.

'Independence' and 'Solitude'. Two similar words never match each other. If someone is independent, he or she is lonely. No, it never makes sense. If someone is lonely, he or she is independent. No way. Then, what about this formula? I am lonely and independent. It does make some sense I guess. Therefore, correlation of indepence and solitude is never direct but only indirect through the concept of 'I'. How about putting 'Share' in this formula? I am sorry but seats are unavailable. So here comes the major issue. The problem was this formula.
There are so many numbers of formula in the universe. But its shape is like an infinite set formula cannot always match each other. Some, like me, cannot find their intersection. They prefer to do things alone. Then where would they belong to?

Last night on the radio, DJ was talking about this two guy who mentioned about not belonging to anywhere so feeling unstable. Then DJ said that two guys headed to the karaoke where they called a surreal world. When people cannot find their place, they tend to escape from the reality. But the problem is that the reality is still waiting for them outside the door of unreality. So, they just have to step into the reality again. Orelse, they become a Peterpan who gave up his growth. Still in the universe, there are thousands of formulas floating around. Among them, there is a big hallway called 'Share'. It belongs to the universe called 'Reality'. And in that universe, there are rooms called 'Unreality'. Rooms are all lined up in the universe just like a convenience stores on the streets of Seoul. And they are named as 'Solitude', 'Myth', 'Fiction' and other metaphysical things.

I am holding a doorhandle of one the room; Unreality. And I am considering if I want to be a forever Peterpan or to grow up some more like others... Wheather the growth might look awful or beautiful.