It's Only A Paper Moon

It's a Barnum and Bailey world,
Just as phony as it can be,
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me.

J.

The moon has been watching the earth very closely and longer than anyone. Perhaps it witnessed every single actions and phenomena of the earth. But it keeps being silent and never mentions anything. It holds the past only onto itself firmly and coldly. There’s no air or even a breeze. A vacuum is very adequate to keep memories without any wounds. Therefore no one can release the moons cold mind. Aomame raised her glass towards the moon.

“Have you slept with anyone recently?” She asked to the moon. No answer.“Do you even have a friend?” She asked again. No answer.“Being way too cool like that,.. doesn’t get tired sometimes?” No answer… 

J.

A New World

I'm leaving for myself...

J.

IF

If every adult start back from the first grade in elementary school,

the world will change.

J.

To realize a dream

Sunflower and People

Strangely, there are more old people than younger ones in the mountains of Korea. Therefore, it is complimentable if a young girl climbs up to the mountain alone. This early morning, I was again walking up to the mountain proudly as always.

No, kick my ass the proud. I actually put on a big floppy cap and walk really fast only looking down. I'm ashamed of my ugly morning face and it is truely dangerous to walk alone in the woods in early morning for a girl. However, it might not be only me who think that way. I found out people who were passing by me never tried to make an eye-contact. Despite all these uncomfortable conditions, those fresh air and a nice breeze pleases me.

When I was walking up to the wooden stairs in mountain as always, I felt a brighter light than the usual. I looked up and there was a pretty yellow sunflower blossoming. It seemed like it was trying to say hello to me. I unconsciously smiled and waved my hand.
What a beautiful summer day! I wanted to say everyone a hello. However, it just stucked right in my throat. Right... I am in KOREA...!

I'm one of people who complain that there is no equivalent of 'Good morning', 'Buenos Diaz', and 'Bon Jour' in Korean. Of course there is a word for Good Morning; 'JoEn AaChim(좋은아침)'. But this is just a literal translation for wetern style of good-morning. It is not only uncomfortable for the listener but the speaker because it doesn't exist in our culture. There is no rule to not to speak it though. But it must be awkward for us; Koreans.

When a beautiful day like this, when someone is trying to start a day with a beautiful greeting to make the others' day, it is shameful that there is no culture like foreign countries. I wondered if it would be a matter of an absence of a culture or a matter of public mind.

I felt more attached to those bright sunflowers that always stay bright and beautiful greeting the sun in the middle of polluted cities than those people who was trying too hard to keep themselves away from polluted people and stay healthy. If there's nothing left on this earth but only people, I wonder what would happen.

J.

What do you know?!

I don't know why they are trying to teach me about the solitude. I don't know if it's a God's will or a out of nowhere coincidence. My familly's all gone for a familly trip without me. I cannot meet anyone until my wounds get better. My friend is telling me all of sudden that solitude will turn into loneliness and that I should stop acting like I am enjoying the solitude and pick up his phone calls.(I cannot talk!) Another friend is gone for a road trip saying he loves solitude but don't want to be lonely.

I like my status! comfortable times alone. right this instant! I really do!And I'm telling you that feeling lonely and solitude is completely different.

Solitude[sol-i-tood, -tyood]: -noun- a state of seclusion or isolation, especially when this is peaceful and pleasant. Loneliness: -noun- the unhappiness that is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude.

I do hate dictionary definations.However, I don't know how those things like quiz shows and dictionarys that have perfect answers pleases me thesedays. A defination of loneliness includes the solitude. i can see that. But make a note of it.

I'm just angry. All I wanted was to focus more on myself and be free. People expect me the best and ask me to slow down. It's not logical. There comes a sacrifies to get something. Perhaps for me, something must be people around me. I keep getting angry. And what I'm keep thinking about is that..
Am I Lonely? or Is This a Solitude?.
J.