A New World

I'm leaving for myself...

J.

IF

If every adult start back from the first grade in elementary school,

the world will change.

J.

To realize a dream

Sunflower and People

Strangely, there are more old people than younger ones in the mountains of Korea. Therefore, it is complimentable if a young girl climbs up to the mountain alone. This early morning, I was again walking up to the mountain proudly as always.

No, kick my ass the proud. I actually put on a big floppy cap and walk really fast only looking down. I'm ashamed of my ugly morning face and it is truely dangerous to walk alone in the woods in early morning for a girl. However, it might not be only me who think that way. I found out people who were passing by me never tried to make an eye-contact. Despite all these uncomfortable conditions, those fresh air and a nice breeze pleases me.

When I was walking up to the wooden stairs in mountain as always, I felt a brighter light than the usual. I looked up and there was a pretty yellow sunflower blossoming. It seemed like it was trying to say hello to me. I unconsciously smiled and waved my hand.
What a beautiful summer day! I wanted to say everyone a hello. However, it just stucked right in my throat. Right... I am in KOREA...!

I'm one of people who complain that there is no equivalent of 'Good morning', 'Buenos Diaz', and 'Bon Jour' in Korean. Of course there is a word for Good Morning; 'JoEn AaChim(좋은아침)'. But this is just a literal translation for wetern style of good-morning. It is not only uncomfortable for the listener but the speaker because it doesn't exist in our culture. There is no rule to not to speak it though. But it must be awkward for us; Koreans.

When a beautiful day like this, when someone is trying to start a day with a beautiful greeting to make the others' day, it is shameful that there is no culture like foreign countries. I wondered if it would be a matter of an absence of a culture or a matter of public mind.

I felt more attached to those bright sunflowers that always stay bright and beautiful greeting the sun in the middle of polluted cities than those people who was trying too hard to keep themselves away from polluted people and stay healthy. If there's nothing left on this earth but only people, I wonder what would happen.

J.

What do you know?!

I don't know why they are trying to teach me about the solitude. I don't know if it's a God's will or a out of nowhere coincidence. My familly's all gone for a familly trip without me. I cannot meet anyone until my wounds get better. My friend is telling me all of sudden that solitude will turn into loneliness and that I should stop acting like I am enjoying the solitude and pick up his phone calls.(I cannot talk!) Another friend is gone for a road trip saying he loves solitude but don't want to be lonely.

I like my status! comfortable times alone. right this instant! I really do!And I'm telling you that feeling lonely and solitude is completely different.

Solitude[sol-i-tood, -tyood]: -noun- a state of seclusion or isolation, especially when this is peaceful and pleasant. Loneliness: -noun- the unhappiness that is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude.

I do hate dictionary definations.However, I don't know how those things like quiz shows and dictionarys that have perfect answers pleases me thesedays. A defination of loneliness includes the solitude. i can see that. But make a note of it.

I'm just angry. All I wanted was to focus more on myself and be free. People expect me the best and ask me to slow down. It's not logical. There comes a sacrifies to get something. Perhaps for me, something must be people around me. I keep getting angry. And what I'm keep thinking about is that..
Am I Lonely? or Is This a Solitude?.
J.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

7:30 am, How To Save A Life by the Fray is on the radio.

I am on my cyclon all sweated still with my bandages all over my face. House is tranquil. All my familly is asleep.

It's my birthday!..

I have never had an exciting birthday. At least, people remember just because it's easy to remember. So, I don't really know how to spend an exciting birthday. I don't even eat cakes. So, it's better.

Everyday at about 5:45am. I habitually open up my eyes. I can't help it. Then I start eating at about 6 just because I am starving at this hour. Then I clean up my messes start cycloning just because I cannot walk outside. I'm burning up my calories. At about 8, I turn on my computer everyday to check a bit of loves from my friends. I need an attention. That's definate. I wouldn't even deny if there is a fake email friend who can send me an email every single day to make my day.

I read news, check emails, blogs, then turn the radio on. I start stretching checking up the status of my body shape. After that, I start to work on my report. I study. I read books. Then it's about 12 almost a day is over. Because I don't eat dinner, lunch must be a big feast for me. It doesn't change on special days. It's my day routine. boring and painful. But I'm just getting ready for next minuites.

then I pretend that I had the most exciting days. People like to listen to my fake days. To entertain people, I watch lots of movies and read fictions. Yes, I am a total lier.

But the thing is that I neither want to loose my friends nor want to die in an instant without acheiving anything. I am too greedy to give up any of this.

In my veranda, there was a plant that never had a flower for 3years. I gave up of course. Few days ago, I saw the prettiest violet flower I've never seen in my life. Possibillity. I cannot see it right now. But maybe someday, if I get ready, it will blossom. if I don't give up and keep trying hard.. That's why I am keeping my boring routines although I hate it. I hope my mother can notice this and encourages me a little.

I am yet a larva whose getting ready to fly as a butterfly. Be patient. happy birthday.

J.

When someone gets ugly.

I look outside. It's raining. It's dark and gloomy. I open up the blind. I turn on Demian Rice's blue songs.

I open my closet and took everything out then put it back again. Unfortunately, not much to organize. I look down and take a tissue then start to sweep my hairs. Did I get healthier? There aren't so much hair than before. I have nothing to do now. No, I do have tons of things to do but none of them pleases my swollen face.

I rather feel better on this rainy weather though. Because I might not the only one who cannot go out. I'm like a grumpy princess Fiona.

J.