The Truth1

One very nice thing you miss in the early morning is this calm and bitter sweet coffee moment. It feels great to have this relaxing time when everyone else is so busy to dress up and rush to their workplace. You are perhaps falling asleep at this time of the day. It felt great to talk with you again. I have missed it very much. You don’t know how much I suffered after I left you. It’d been about a month since then.. But I cannot stop thinking about you.

To be honest, I tried to find other men. I tried to run away from you. I was a fool. You have affected me too much. Things I see, I listen and I feel… Everything reminds me of you. I now listen to rock music especially Radiohead a lot. I’m still reading the book you gave me. And that is good thing I swear.. very nice change in me.

I left you because I wasn’t brave enough to be abandoned by you someday. That is one thing I always fear in relationships. People I was close to always left me first. Even they hurt me. So I always end up leaving them fisrt. But thoughts of you had me to have guts and curiosity.
We still both know very little about each other. We barely talked. I first approached to you just out of curiosity and I assume that you did too. Then, at the right time when I was suffering from mental disease called panic disorder, you saved me. I always shout out loud that I am strong. I act like I am promiscuous. But I was a coward who was always hiding feelings inside and scared to step outside. Then you freed me. One kiss that night became big wings for my heart.

I’m now working harder and studying harder. And it is just to meet you someday. Because I have realized that I should level up myself to have a great man like you. I want to be with you. I do not expect much though. There is certain fate for everyone. Even if this won’t happen, at least having a feeling of love for someone is good for me.

Miss you and love you almost for the first time real in my life.
J to A