I was just home watching the movie “the Day after Tomorrow”. I’ve seen this movie several times and I haven’t felt this way as I was today. The title got into my mind first of all. “Tomorrow”… Tomorrow could mean just tomorrow. But it also could mean a future. Perhaps it was because I fear it so much.
I always fear tomorrow. It scares me. Perhaps this is the reason why I obsessed so much about the past. And I sometimes obsessed to the horoscope too out of security. But there is no prevention for the future. Just being in the present is the best way for the future. And not trying the best for the present explains why I fear future so much.
I had another thought. What if the dooms day comes? Would I really runaway to him as I was writing to my truth or dare questions? I was wrong. I would stay with my mother. I cannot leave without her. And a love for him, I’ve never expected, is getting colder. I don’t like to love alone. I can’t love alone. He cannot be with me when I am really suffering. I really cannot sure. What do I really want from him? This is one of those reasons I fear future too.
I ; the weirdo, send back a love that comes and cannot be loved from the love I give. And this ongoing game is playing again and again.
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